Joanna Groves

Psychotherapy & Training

Tel: 07538 041967

Key Ways to Embrace Positive Habits in Addiction Recovery

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This months guest blog is from Michelle Peterson.

Michelle Peterson believes the journey to sobriety should not be one of shame but of pride. Her mission is aligned with that of RecoveryPride, which is to celebrate sobriety and those who achieve it.

One of the biggest challenges individuals in recovery face is finding a new routine and activities to fill the time they previously used to get high or intoxicated.  Cravings can thwart these efforts even more, by making it difficult to think about any other activities as fun or desirable.

Breaking away from old friends and anyone who helped maintain the destructive lifestyle can also prove difficult, and peer pressure can creep in and wreak havoc on even the best laid plans.  Finding activities that simultaneous create a new routine, fill time and provide enough enjoyment to negate cravings and combat peer pressure are great tools for staying clean and sober.

Why are these suggestions important? Recovery is a difficult road, and there will be ups and downs, but addiction recovery is a positive journey. For this reason, it is important that you embrace positive habits that provide you with fuel and power to keep moving forward. Rather than focus on how long it will take to beat your addiction, fill your time with activities you once enjoyed, and find new ones too. The key to successful recovery requires many, many ingredients, and healthy, happy outlets are one of them.

Think Differently About Time

Like the habit you are trying to overcome, forming new skills takes time.  You are likely overwhelming yourself thinking about just how much time you have to fill and just the thought makes you feel hopelessly bored.  Boredom is just one of many reasons people end up abusing substances in the first place.  To combat this, don’t focus on time in a big picture sense.  It sounds cliche, but “one day at a time” is a well-known phrase amongst those in recovery for a reason. If one day is too long, start by focusing on the next 5 or 10 minutes, and build from there.  Be present in the moment and focus on the short term in increments as short as necessary to keep you on track.

Do Things You Used To Enjoy

Once you have a handle on time, consider revisiting activities you used to enjoy before substance abuse took over your life.  You may still have the supplies or equipment needed to restart these activities without much financial commitment.  Whether it is cycling or crossword puzzles, as long as the activity didn’t contribute to your substance abuse, it’s worth trying again.  After all, if you enjoyed it before, there is a good chance you might enjoy it now.

This can also be a good way to make amends, rekindle old friendships and bring new people into your life who will provide a positive influence and help you make healthier lifestyle choices. If you don’t remember what you enjoyed prior to addiction or if your old activities simply don’t fill enough of your time, then consider trying something totally new.

Try Something Totally New

There are a number of activities that provide bonus mental health benefits by keeping your brain occupied, while simultaneously helping to relieve stress. Expressive therapies, like music therapy or art therapy are a great techniques for accomplishing these benefits and more, because they help individuals communicate and express emotions better.

Music therapy can be active, where the individual participates in the creation of music, or receptive, where music is played to help individuals relax or express emotions.  Whether it’s watercolor, acrylic, or oils, painting is a wonderful way for those suffering with addiction to cope. Not only is painting a quiet, soothing activity, it allows an artist to bring out whatever emotions they’re dealing with onto the paper or canvas and leave it there. Because drugs and alcohol can dull a person’s emotions, painting can bring you back to yourself, little by little.

Regardless of where you are in the recovery process, staying on course is the primary objective.  If idle time still feels like the enemy instead of something to relish, focus on just the next few minutes, hours, or days. Find activities you enjoy to help you build a new routine and a healthy lifestyle.

Photo credit: Pixabay.com

Can food improve your mental health?

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As part of the fight against mental health problems we have a very much underutilised tool – food.

Source: How food can improve your mental health – BBC News

In my personal and professional capacity, nutrition is key.

When working with teenagers and adults alike at my private practice at The Affinity Centre, Cheadle and Wilmslow, I get interested in the person’s lifestyle and nutrition. I’ve lost count of the teenagers in particular who complain of feeling stressed and anxious who regularly skip meals. 

Our bodies job, it’s sole purpose, is to keep us alive. And that means the energy supply in has to support the energy supply out. When we’re hungry and dehydrated the body becomes stressed and sends out all sorts of signals – headaches, loss of concentration, increased fear response, fatigue, lethargy, nausea,  feeling jittery or nervous. The body is super clever in getting attention.

Sadly, us humans are not always tuned-in to our bodies and so we override these signals resulting in increased cortisol levels. And increased cortisol is at the very heart of stress and anxiety. 

It isn’t just the young either, adults are often too busy to pay attention to the basics and our ever aging bodies need different nutrition at different times in our lives. For example, new parents – mums and dads – would benefit from looking at foods that support them with energy levels given sleep deprivation ultimately kicks in.

I also work with lots of women approaching or in their menopause who truly benefit from better nutritional support. Personally, I’ve got to my mid-forties and have to accept that sugar truly does mess with my system. As a cake lover this isn’t good news. Alas, when I ignore the signals (…and I do!) of aching joints, fatigue, acid reflux and irritability, ultimately I end up feeling very low and with heart palpitations. Within a week or so of detoxing from sugar my anxiety and low mood is gone.

Thankfully, there is now so much we can do to take care of feelings of stress and anxiety. Get in touch and let’s look at your personal health plan that will put you back in harmony with your body. 

What Quote Has Actually Stuck With You & Changed Your Life?

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We all carry little snippets of wisdom around with us — quotes from authors, philosophers, or other figures who inspire us and whose words left a mark on our minds. What are yours?

Source: People Were Asked: ‘What Quote Has Actually Stuck With You & Changed Your Life?’ | Collective-Evolution

I do love a good quote! Give me an affirmation or wonderful poem and I’m truly happy and inspired. All the same, I wonder what it is that draws us to certain quotes, lines from movies and books and the like, that somehow stick with us throughout life. For me, it stems from an inspirational English teacher who taught me the love of language.

At my practice at The Affinity Centre, Cheadle and Wilmslow, I meet lots of people of all ages, from a wide variety of backgrounds and cultures. Within the early therapy work a quote or snippet of a poem will come to mind and shape the way I think of our work together. Sometimes, if appropriate I might share my thoughts with the person, and often it’s a really good fit to what’s happening in the work.

Therapy is a reflective process so it makes sense to me that I do this, but I also recognise I was doing this in my previous career in the corporate world. Maybe too I can recognise that I’m a creative thinker and I’m often energised by images and words from others, that somehow articulate what’s going on for me. 

Whatever our reasons for choosing the quotes and lines we do, they are everywhere. I’d love to hear from you on what’s inspired and influenced you? 

If you’re the self-reflective type then come and join us at our Personal Development Weekend Workshop.

It’s a great opportunity for a voyage of self-discovery that will help you in both your personal and professional life.

Love vs. Lust: Are Sex and Love the Same Thing?

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Do you believe in love at first sight? Here’s some insights into the differences between love and lust to better answer that question.

Source: Love vs. Lust: Are Sex and Love the Same Thing?

As Valentine’s Day approaches this might be a good time to delve deeper in to the long pondered questions of love and lust…

When working with couples at my practice in Cheadle and Wilmslow, Cheshire, I’m always interested in how these two people sitting in front of me met and what the beginning of the relationship was like. What was the attraction to the other? What were the hopes and dreams for each in those first weeks? What was shared and what was hoped for? How soon did the relationship become sexual? When did disillusionment first creep in?

How we meet plays a huge part in how we argue and/or get stuck later in relationship. It’s usual to get stuck and that happens in every relationship, this isn’t a good indicator of whether you’ve chosen the right partner. Although for many, arguing and feeling trapped in never ending patterns does indeed signal the end of the relationship and one or both partners move on to a new love to try again. Again. And again.

What is a useful indicator is to think of the differences between lust and love, which this article describes well.

With lust, once the sexual desire wanes…and let’s face it that can be a fair distance in to the relationship…you can drift for a while before realising that you’re not in love with the person you’re sharing a bed with. The trouble is, high on lust and sex you’ve usually made lots of promises and commitments of love to one another, which confuses things further.

Whereas love is still around when lust inevitably dissipates. Relationships are hard work. As unromantic as that may sound, a conscious loving relationship involves two individuals who are interested in the world of the other. Love is a commitment to yourself, the other, and the relationship.

Love can bring with it a deep sense of wellbeing. This article describes a shift from me-thinking to we-thinking. I’d go a step further and say, for fulfilling, lasting relationships each person also has to make the shift from we-thinking to I-Thou thinking. This makes space for two individuals to peacefully co-exist within the safety of the relationship. To find out more click here…

Stress: It’s Not in Your Head, it’s in Your Nervous System

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How to release traumatic memory that could be stored in your body.

Source: Stress: It’s Not in Your Head, it’s in Your Nervous System

Unprocessed stress becomes traumatic memory that lies dormant in the body. A present day trigger can cause the stored memory to resurface. Understanding what is happening inside our body and brain, gives us compassion. Learning why our body responds the way it does, leads to awareness and empowerment.

I see lots of clients reporting symptoms of stress and anxiety, most of which want to get-rid-of or stop feeling the way they do. Some talk shamefully of “not coping” and how they believe they should be able to manage the little things that seemingly pushed them closer to stress.

But did you know that stress and anxiety are experiences that are in your body? Sure you’re going to experience lots of symptoms in your head like brain fog, headaches, loss of concentration. That makes sense as we know that the brain reacts and responds to the body’s signals of distress. What we’re less tuned in to are the body sensations that can offer us lots of information on how best to manage stress.

Read more in this article that articulately describes the body – mind connection and also some simple, effective, immediate ways you can impact feelings of stress and anxiety. There is no magic answer to managing stress, and by tuning inwards and listening to your body you can learn what to do to sooth and regulate those stressful emotions that works for you.

Connecting with your values

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Get yourself ahead of the game in 2018 by focusing on your personal values.

Think of your values as the rudder of your personal boat. They steer you towards what and who is important.

Your values are personal to you and can give you a sense of wholeness and solidity in who you are and how you want to show up in life. Your values are like the sun on the horizon that you keep moving forward.

So let’s be clear. You never truly achieve your values. You can’t actually “achieve” health; health is something you need to consistently invest in, in order to stay healthy. Or take your relationship; you never truly “achieve” a great bond with your partner. You need to consistently invest in your relationship and yourself in order to maintain a fulfilling, loving bond. It’s the same for all your values. You need to consistently pay-in to what’s important for you.

The great thing is, once you’re clear on what and who is important, your values can help you make decisions, guide you toward a fulfilling life, and offer you direction and purpose.

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.

Roy E. Disney

Want to try this out for yourself?

I use this fantastic exercise with people of all ages to help them get clear on their personal values. Teenagers love it because it invites them to be reflective and articulate the direction they want life to take. Couples find this really useful in gaining insight in to one another’s inner worlds. For individuals, it’s a great tool to boost confidence and self-awareness.

Personally, my values help me make sense as to why some things are REALLY important to me and help me see why I get unsettled when something or someone crosses my moral boundaries.

To complete the exercise:

  1. Print a list of values here and cut them up.
    Notice there are spare cards that you can add your own words if needed.
  2. Sort the cards in to 3 piles; Not Important – meaning these things don’t impact on you personally. Important – meaning these things have some value to you. Very Important – meaning these things are the very core of you!
  3. Narrow your choice of Very Important down to a maximum of 6. That’s usually quite a challenge but important in that you want to be able to connect with your values easily.
  4. Photograph your 6 cards so you can remind yourself regularly.
  5. As an extra step; taking one value card at a time, write out all the reasons and ways in which this particular value is important to you. Include how this value adds to your life, what it feels like when you connect with this value, where you see room for improvement and growth. What small steps can you take that will help you to keep moving…or start moving…toward this value? How will these steps make a difference? What might be uncomfortable in taking those first steps? How might you get in your own way or sabotage yourself? What support might you need? What will life look like when you’re fully embracing this value?
  6. Re-visit your values regularly and set yourself small steps that keep your personal boat sailing in the right direction.

Want to know more about how you can connect with your values and personal growth plan?

Come and work with me at my office in Cheadle. Working with values is a great way of growing your self-awareness and self-esteem. Who couldn’t use a little more confidence right?

Also, at The Affinity Centre we run a workshop around personal growth that encourages you to be all of yourself with the aim of getting even more out of your personal relationships. Click on the link here for more details.

Is Your Therapy Working as it Should? | Psychology Today

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Good therapy should feel like work that is paying off.

Source: Is Your Therapy Working as it Should? | Psychology Today

Great to find an article raising the very important questions around the effectiveness of therapy. I really like how it highlights that “good therapy should regularly feel uncomfortable if not frankly anxiety provoking.”

You’re investing your time and money in therapy, it’s important that you reflect on what you’re getting from the process. Good therapists will make time for co-creative reflection in the therapy space. In TA therapy (Transactional Analysis) we pay particular attention to the therapeutic contract between therapist and client and so it’s usual to question “how are we doing so far?”  to ensure you are getting what you want from your sessions.

Therapy can be uncomfortable, after all you’re bringing the very things you find difficult. However, with compassion and patience you can move towards your goals and the life you want for yourself. Change isn’t easy but the journey towards change can be rewarding.

 

8 Psychological Tips for Being More Confident

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Everyone needs a confidence boost now and then. Staving off self-doubt isn’t always easy, but these suggestions can help you feel more confident more often.

Source: 8 Psychological Tips for Being More Confident

Happy New Year! Get 2018 off to a great start by tuning in to some of these ways to boost your confidence.

My favourite is Doubt your Doubt. This often works for me when I catch my inner-critic telling me I can’t do something. Questioning the truth in my own statements can be useful. Do I really, really believe I can’t get myself organised, achieve that piece of work, get fit, keep my new year’s resolution (*cough, ok that one may have more than a grain of truth in it!)…blah, blah, blah. The list can be endless some days!

Truth is we all experience self-doubt and confidence issues at some points in our life. That’s just the deal of being human. Consciously choosing to do one thing to boost your confidence can make a big difference.

At my practice in Cheadle and Wilmslow, Cheshire I often hear stories from people who feel like they’ve lost their confidence, or never really had it in the first place.

Therapy can be a wonderful space to explore the underpinning beliefs you have around ‘confidence’, and support you to move toward a healthier approach to boosting your self esteem.

The Real Reason For Troubled Sibling Relationships 

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When siblings are raised in environments where there’s conflict, chaos, rejection or a lack of protection, it has an enormous impact on how they end up relating to each-other in adult life.

Source: The Real Reason For Troubled Sibling Relationships | Marcia Sirota

A great article on the impact of childhood on sibling relationships. I think this approach encourages a more compassionate understanding of you-and-me.

Often we can question ourselves or blame the other when things get tough between siblings. Here the emphasis is on taking a look at shared history to understand the relationship dynamics between brothers and sisters.

I meet people who share painful stories of relationships with siblings: arguments, broken bonds, longed for connections, rivalry that lasts long into adulthood, assumed responsibilities.

You can choose your friends but not your family right? Well, I also believe that gaining insight and awareness into family patterns of being with one another can be hugely beneficial.

Anger and hatred can make us feel happy

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People have higher life satisfaction if they feel emotions they desire – even if they are unpleasant.

Source: Anger and hatred can make us feel happy, says study – BBC News

Interesting research on the positive impact of so-called negative emotions. What I really like is the call to feel your feelings in an appropriate way. I often struggle with the idea that emotions are described as positive and negative as I believe all emotions have equal value.

People who come to see me at my therapy practice in Cheadle and Wilmslow often want to “get rid of” or “stop feeling” certain emotions. Especially when experiencing those feelings are uncomfortable. Makes sense huh. Only, when we don’t express our emotions it can have a real impact on our wellbeing.

The best way I’ve found to get-rid-of feelings is to have them. I support people to understand what their emotions are signalling and to learn how they can take steps to validate and express emotions in a healthier way.

As this article says, sometimes by feeling our feelings we can feel happier and more content.