Do you believe in love at first sight? Here’s some insights into the differences between love and lust to better answer that question.
As Valentine’s Day approaches this might be a good time to delve deeper in to the long pondered questions of love and lust…
When working with couples at my practice in Cheadle and Wilmslow, Cheshire, I’m always interested in how these two people sitting in front of me met and what the beginning of the relationship was like. What was the attraction to the other? What were the hopes and dreams for each in those first weeks? What was shared and what was hoped for? How soon did the relationship become sexual? When did disillusionment first creep in?
How we meet plays a huge part in how we argue and/or get stuck later in relationship. It’s usual to get stuck and that happens in every relationship, this isn’t a good indicator of whether you’ve chosen the right partner. Although for many, arguing and feeling trapped in never ending patterns does indeed signal the end of the relationship and one or both partners move on to a new love to try again. Again. And again.
What is a useful indicator is to think of the differences between lust and love, which this article describes well.
With lust, once the sexual desire wanes…and let’s face it that can be a fair distance in to the relationship…you can drift for a while before realising that you’re not in love with the person you’re sharing a bed with. The trouble is, high on lust and sex you’ve usually made lots of promises and commitments of love to one another, which confuses things further.
Whereas love is still around when lust inevitably dissipates. Relationships are hard work. As unromantic as that may sound, a conscious loving relationship involves two individuals who are interested in the world of the other. Love is a commitment to yourself, the other, and the relationship.
Love can bring with it a deep sense of wellbeing. This article describes a shift from me-thinking to we-thinking. I’d go a step further and say, for fulfilling, lasting relationships each person also has to make the shift from we-thinking to I-Thou thinking. This makes space for two individuals to peacefully co-exist within the safety of the relationship. To find out more click here…