Couples Archives - Joanna Groves

Do you believe in love at first sight? Here’s some insights into the differences between love and lust to better answer that question.

Source: Love vs. Lust: Are Sex and Love the Same Thing?

As Valentine’s Day approaches this might be a good time to delve deeper in to the long pondered questions of love and lust…

When working with couples at my practice in Cheadle and Wilmslow, Cheshire, I’m always interested in how these two people sitting in front of me met and what the beginning of the relationship was like. What was the attraction to the other? What were the hopes and dreams for each in those first weeks? What was shared and what was hoped for? How soon did the relationship become sexual? When did disillusionment first creep in?

How we meet plays a huge part in how we argue and/or get stuck later in relationship. It’s usual to get stuck and that happens in every relationship, this isn’t a good indicator of whether you’ve chosen the right partner. Although for many, arguing and feeling trapped in never ending patterns does indeed signal the end of the relationship and one or both partners move on to a new love to try again. Again. And again.

What is a useful indicator is to think of the differences between lust and love, which this article describes well.

With lust, once the sexual desire wanes…and let’s face it that can be a fair distance in to the relationship…you can drift for a while before realising that you’re not in love with the person you’re sharing a bed with. The trouble is, high on lust and sex you’ve usually made lots of promises and commitments of love to one another, which confuses things further.

Whereas love is still around when lust inevitably dissipates. Relationships are hard work. As unromantic as that may sound, a conscious loving relationship involves two individuals who are interested in the world of the other. Love is a commitment to yourself, the other, and the relationship.

Love can bring with it a deep sense of wellbeing. This article describes a shift from me-thinking to we-thinking. I’d go a step further and say, for fulfilling, lasting relationships each person also has to make the shift from we-thinking to I-Thou thinking. This makes space for two individuals to peacefully co-exist within the safety of the relationship. To find out more click here…

We need to consciously think about what makes a good relationship, not expect them to magically happen.

Source: Why Good Relationships Don’t Just Happen

“If our intimate relationships have such an effect on our wellbeing, why do we let them drop to the bottom of our priority lists and just hope for the best?” asks Lisa Stevenson.

Our lives are generally planned. We plan meals, appointments for the doctor, dentist, hair salon. We plan holidays, weekend activities. We plan weddings and engagements and christenings. We plan work, time with friends, finances, chores.

Yet most people I meet at my practice in Cheadle, Cheshire have never planned their relationship. When couples arrive in therapy they can detail how they met and what’s gone awry, but when I ask about their relationship vision most draw a blank.

Sure, each entered the relationship with hopes and dreams some of which were voiced in the romantic phase of the relationship. But mostly the needs and wants of two individuals remain unconscious.

At our Getting The Love You Want couples weekends, we talk about each stage of the relationship and support couples to move toward a more consciously connected relationship with safety and joy at it’s core.

Why not come and join us.